Chew On It – Some Life Lessons
This month, Elixr founder Richard Chew shares a deeply personal reflection on the lessons that have defined his life – the power of integrity, the courage to choose kindness, and the clarity that comes with wisdom.
You often hear people say, “I wish I knew then what I know now.”
Well, I’m one of them.
In my younger years, I wrestled with the question: Who am I?
It took me decades to realise the better question is: Who do I want to be?
Aristotle said, “We are what we repeatedly do.”
So, I decided to repeatedly do the things that reflected who I wanted to become.
The virtues I’ve worked to live by are simple: integrity, kindness, and wisdom.
Integrity
Integrity tops the list. It’s non-negotiable and must be earned.
Integrity is doing the right thing simply because it’s the right thing to do.
After my spectacular dive into bankruptcy (from opening a restaurant I had no business opening), I had to convince investors to believe in a new vision, a mind-body health club called Elixr.
Fortunately, my reputation in the fitness world wasn’t bankrupt like my bank account. Many investors supported me, including a Harvard MBA listed among the USA’s Top 100 Executives.
Without integrity, Elixr would have remained just a dream.
With it, I earned the trust to get a second chance and eventually bought everyone out, except my elder sister, Gim, a Chartered Accountant who has been instrumental in managing the finances.
Kindness
Kindness is empathy with a heartbeat.
Empathy feels someone’s pain; compassion does something about it.
Losing my daughter taught me more about empathy and compassion than any book, teacher, or spiritual leader ever could. People often mean well when they say, “I can imagine your pain,” but unless they’ve buried a child, they simply cannot imagine it, and they are fortunate that they don’t have to experience that abyss of pain.
In my twenties, a couple I knew lost their son to suicide. I was sad for them, but I didn’t truly understand. Only later did I grasp the depth of that kind of grief.
We also need to stop treating suicide as a family shame.
Most who end their lives don’t want to die, they just want the pain to stop.
And unless you’ve walked through the fog of depression, it’s impossible to explain how dark and ugly it gets. I’ve been there three times. Once, it lasted six years.
The good news is that my spirit eventually lifted through a therapy called Journey Therapy.
Kindness is more than a thought, it requires consistent action and follow-up.
It creates harmony in your life and in the lives you touch.
Wisdom
Wisdom, I’ve learned, is the ability to think things through before saying or doing something stupid.
During my karate days, a fellow fighter irritated me. When we sparred, I fought angry and performed poorly. That day, I discovered one of life’s golden truths:
the calmer you are, the clearer your mind, and the more control you have.
Seneca said, “The best remedy for anger is delay.”
Now, when I’m angry, I let a day or two pass to allow the emotion to dissipate before responding.
A while back, I had to deal with a volatile staff member who hurled personal attacks at me and my family. It took every ounce of restraint not to retaliate. Instead, I focused on the facts, stayed calm, and resolved it swiftly. She’s long gone, thank goodness.
Over time, I’ve learned that words can cut deep to the core. So, choose them carefully, especially with those you love.
Wisdom promotes peace, clarity, and control in your life.
People say age brings wisdom. Hmmm, not always.
I’ve seen young fools grow into old fools, just with more wrinkles. Some age like fine wine; others ferment into vinegar.
These days, I avoid vinegar where I can.
I still struggle with inconsiderate people, especially the ones behind the wheel, but I’m improving. I no longer yell; I just express colourful words in my mind and let them go.
One small positive step at a time.
