Richard and his father
My Father
My dad was an unwanted child. He had been conceived in an affair between a man and his housemaid. As a baby, he was put out for adoption and taken in by Choo, the wife of a wealthy merchant (and later my doting grandmother).
My dad was named Chew Choo Soot. Coincidentally, both his biological father’s and the adoptive family’s surname was Chew.
I don’t have much information about my dad’s childhood, except that he was outgoing and physically active. He started weightlifting in his late teens and began competing, winning numerous Malaya Weightlifting titles.
In the early 1940s, he was introduced to my mother Lim Hock Lye by a marriage matchmaker. During the courtship, my father intended to join the Malaya army, as the Japanese invasion was approaching. His future mother-in-law, Quah, persuaded him not to join. She assisted financially to enable my dad to set up a second-hand bookstore.
She also convinced him to study for a profession. He chose accounting, doing a correspondence course from Australia. He excelled at it.
Evidently, the matchmaker was successful as my parents were married at a dance hall in Ipoh in 1947.
The next year, my brother Tony was born, followed by my sister Gim in 1951. There was another daughter born in 1955, but she died at two years old from an illness and apparently negligence of the doctor. I was born in Kuala Lumpur in 1958, and my little sister Angie came along in 1963.
By the late 1950s, my dad had built up a very successful accountancy firm in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. He also established a karate organisation.
My dad had no relationship with his biological father. Sadly, he also had very little interaction with his adopted dad. This lack of family support led to my dad having challenges in expressing love for his children. It was his way or the highway. But he had always looked after his kids, ensuring all four of us were provided with education to pave our way in life.
He did well. My brother and elder sister became chartered accountants in Sydney. My younger sister earned her computer science degree from the University of Iowa, USA.
I was the black sheep. I was doing a science degree at UNSW majoring in mathematics. But I dropped out in my final year. Fortunately, I found my calling in the fitness industry.
I originally left home (and the country) at the age of 11. I came to Sydney to board at Newington College. My mum and dad remained in Malaysia. I had to navigate through the trauma of feeling abandoned in a foreign land with a new language and different culture. But I became independent and resilient. I am now so grateful that I ended up in the most beautiful city in the world. A place that provided me with amazing opportunities.
The geographic distance with my dad did not help with building a close relationship with him. Neither did my decision to get married at 18. He thought I was much too young for marriage, and he even turned up in Sydney to convince me to divorce my wife. But I was as head strong as him.
Ultimately, he didn’t need to intervene — time would have sorted it out. Since all marriages end in divorce or death, I decided divorce was the preferred option!
Over the years, the love between my father and I was always there, but our relationship remained rocky. In the early 90s, I went back to Kuala Lumpur to make peace and spend time with my dad.
I am thankful I did, as a few years later in 1995, he suffered a major stroke. With the debilitating effects of this, he mercifully passed away in 1997. It must have been hellish to be trapped in a disabled body for someone so physically active and mentally acute.
I am grateful for my dad. He always had the best interest of his children at heart, even though at times he did not know how to express this. I am also grateful that I inherited his entrepreneurial DNA and his outspokenness (to the distress of some people).
Living Eulogies
When I first moved to Australia at 11, my big brother Tony was my guardian. He was extraordinary in the way he cared, mentored, and looked after me. Tony was also my karate instructor, and he convinced me to start teaching when I was 14.
In 2018, at Tony’s 70th birthday, I asked all immediate family members to provide my brother with a living eulogy. I am so glad we did this, expressing our love and appreciation, because Tony suffered a horrendous stroke just a few months later. He passed away shortly after, sharing the same fate as our dad.
I first recognised the importance of a living eulogy while attending numerous funerals. I was listening to the speeches thinking how sad it was that the person who should be hearing all these kind words was no longer present.
Our life’s journey is totally unpredictable. Take every opportunity to let your loved ones know of your care and appreciation of them. Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, birthdays, anniversaries… These are all wonderful opportunities to do so!
