Chew On It – The Joy & Art of Generosity
Words from Elixr Founder, Richard Chew.
I’m thankful that my mum taught me the art of generosity and hospitality from a very young age, mostly by watching her in action. She was kind, caring and endlessly generous.
At family dinners with guests, she would always serve them first. And when friends were invited out, it was normal for my dad to pick up the bill without a second thought. Generosity was simply the way things were done.
That rubbed off on me. To this day, if I invite family or friends out, I insist on paying. In fact, I feel downright uncomfortable if I don’t.
Mind you, I wasn’t always that way. When I first came to Sydney for boarding school at Newington College at the tender age of eleven, I guarded my precious stash of red frog lollies like they were gold bars. One cent each was a serious investment back then! One day, though, a friend offered me some of his, and I was stunned by his generosity. The feeling stuck with me, and it became a turning point.
Birthdays, however, were another story. Growing up, mine were never celebrated. Apart from my elder sister, no one wished me happy birthday. I quietly decided birthdays didn’t matter, but really, I was hurt. I never got presents, and over time I grew uncomfortable receiving them at all.
It took me decades to realise that by resisting gifts, I was actually denying others the same joy I feel when I give. These days, I rarely give presents on birthdays or Christmas. I prefer surprise gifts, the kind no one expects. When I hear a friend mention something they’d love, I’ll quietly hunt it down for them. On my travels, I even buy beautiful things without knowing who they’re for. My cupboard of “future gifts” is proof of that!
Of course, generosity has its cultural quirks. In the 1970s, I had a proper culture shock at my first Aussie BBQ: bring your own meat and BYO drinks! That would never fly in the old cultures — Chinese, Italian, Spanish — where food and drinks flowed for everyone. I’m pleased to say I don’t hear of that anymore, at least not in the eastern suburbs.
Generosity isn’t only about money or gifts. Sometimes it’s as simple as lending a hand. If you’re at a dinner party, don’t ask the host if they need help tidying up, just do it. Chances are they’ll politely say no, even when they’d love the help.
Peter, our Elixr Facility Manager, lives in the granny flat at my home. His generosity shows in the way he proactively keeps the front and backyard tidy and clean. If it weren’t for Peter, my garden would be just concrete like a good Chinese house. Thankfully, he loves gardening, and because of him the garden is thriving.
Being generous is now simply part of who I am. That said, I’ve also learned the hard way that when generosity is taken advantage of, it’s best to step back from selfish people.
There’s real joy in giving, and equal joy in receiving — especially when it’s unexpected.
As Maya Angelou so wisely said:
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
